I crave beer like a homeless man craves spare change, which, if attained by a down-and-out is invariably used to purchase booze anyway, but as I poured Budweiser at a promotional event at Roosevelt in Calgary, my affinity for hops, malts and barley truly was put into perspective.
The “king of beers”, which in its own right is a misnomer, was being sold for $4 a pint; not bad considering the exorbitant price beer sells for.
But for some, $4 is still a financial stretch. If you cannot afford a $4 pint I recommend you find alternative ways of drinking. Listerine, for example, is a cheap, potent, ethanol-blended alternative. I hope no one took the last sentence seriously or your alcoholism tendencies may need the immediate attention of a health professional.
As I went about pouring Bud, the most stimulating of activities, an ungainly man with scraggly facial hair ambled towards the imperious Budweiser tap. Busting with excitement, he first asked for price confirmation. Before replying with the good news, his attention, which resembled that of a four-year-old, had shifted focus to a silver metal bucket filled with hour-old spill.
The bucket itself was filthy as its sole purpose was to accommodate for overflow beer. Sitting stagnant, the rancid spill appealed to this miscreant like a glimmering diamond appeals to aristocratic women.
“Can I have the bucket of beer?” he asked with fervour. “Are you going to sell that?”
Dumbfounded, I advised him the beer was old, warm, festering and had been sitting in the heinously dirty bucket for an undetermined period.
“No, it wouldn’t be sold to the public,” I flippantly responded.
As predicted, the information that should have been blatantly obvious without any discourse didn’t faze him in the least. He then asked outright if he could have it, and when I obliged his incomprehensible request, his face lit up like a Christmas tree in Prague.
Jaw agape, I watched him, bucket in hand, walk away with a discernible hop in his step.
Maybe Listerine would have been a preferable option for this misfit, this derelict of society. Wouldn’t Budweiser be proud.